a review for the autism center that miss*diagnosed me

just being radically honest... isn't that what they say autistic people do?

As a queer and Black person perceived as a woman who doesn't fit the typical autism image, I can't recommend [insert the place that miss*diagnosed me]. I wasn’t believed when I talked about my own experiences. They only used the test results and my family's statements, but didn't consider that there are autistic children who are unobtrusive or who have learned to mask their autism due to a traumatic childhood. For example, I was forced to socialize when we had visitors, even though I often wanted to stay in my room. I don't want to go into detail about how much emotional and physical abuse I suffered as a child. I'm exceptionally good at reading emotions for an autistic person and am good at recognizing patterns, but I also spent years reading an incredible number of psychology and self-help books, taking countless courses, and watching at least a thousand videos to learn these social skills. Even though I'm learning my eighth language, I was told I didn't have "any special interests" as a child and therefore I'm not autistic. The experience was traumatizing for me. Next time, I'll ask for a differential analysis so they can't just conveniently put me back in a personality disorder box when I'm textbook autistic in so many aspects. It was so arbitrary and also a form of violence to say: "We simply don't believe you when you talk about your experiences." I tried to be as transparent and honest as possible, and ultimately it only hurt me. What I've heard since then is that people who are perceived as female are also taken less seriously when we dress colorfully. It's sad that I'm currently questioning what I could have done to be taken more seriously, to have people believe that my symptoms are real. I haven't had most of the borderline symptoms for years because I've healed a lot of the trauma. I know who I am. It just doesn't apply to me sufficiently. I've already exhausted all the therapies for that. What I would have needed support for are social and professional difficulties that specifically relate to sensory overload and the like. I know the person who diagnosed me tried, but I still have to be honest and critical. People like me are often made to feel like we're taking resources away from others who have it more difficult, but it's also a financial burden for us when we have to go through a second, third, or even fourth diagnosis (which is what I've heard from others) before we're taken seriously. I hope the perception of autism changes so that people who look like me don't fall through the cracks. A big reason I'm going through this diagnostic process is because I see how my younger siblings also struggle with textbook autism issues. I hope it’ll be less painful for them than it was for me at school, because they'll understand themselves better and therefore develop fewer self-esteem issues and hopefully not as severe of a depression. I hope future generations will have it easier because people like me believed in themselves and fought back against prejudice. I'm autistic and a miss*diagnosis can't change that.

This is to wearing as much color as I want, although I cannot lie, I also really love a mysterious all-black look sometimes. I still believe in finding my own language to describe my experiences, but I can’t help it, I’m a social justice warrior too. If I can do something that might improve other people’s lives and not just my own, I tend to do it, even at a risk. However, speaking up just for myself can be very hard for me. So, thank you for being the reason. Thank you for allowing me to see I’m not alone.

PS: I really did post this review (in German). Let’s see if Mr. Google approves it.

PS: If you can, use Ecosia, instead of Google. I do too. For the Congo! ❣