So grateful for you sharing this ❤️ I’ve avoided seeking a diagnosis because of my fear of exactly what you’ve experienced, how I know it would rock me as it has rocked you. The autism criteria, as I understand it, was modeled on assessments of white cis male children. And it also focuses much more on the medical professional’s observations of someone - what they see and can quantify from the outside - rather than the actual autistic person’s internal experience of themselves navigating the world.
And I also struggle with this same sense of whether or not I am fill-in-the-blank enough to name myself as a particular identity. The work you’re doing is so vital precisely for this reason. We are better able to know ourselves when we witness a reflection in someone else who lets us know we’re not alone.
Just here to say that your work is a treasure. I am grateful you chose to post about this because you sharing your experiences around this diagnosis is extremely helpful and informative for me personally. It helps me believe, Iike you wrote, that we can continue to find and invent more creative ways of understanding caring for ourselves and each other. 🖤
An autistic friend just wrote me: "Please remember, a diagnosis is a clinician's medical opinion. Doesn't mean it's the final urteil [German for judgment] about it at all. Second and 3rd opinions are a thing enough autistic ppl seek-especially in trans, black bodies."
Another friend also sent me a beautifully affirming video how autism often shows up differently when there has been trauma and abuse, because there'll be more masking and learning to read emotions/empathy to the point of exhaustion in order to survive.
Community is so important and also finding our own language. Have a blessed day! 👐🏽
Thank you dear one. I so appreciate you and your words. I was a psychotherapist for 6 years and during that time developed an allergy to the DSM. I will use it strategically, when and if I have to navigate the systems that live by it. I have grown enraged at all of the mediations that have been shoved in my face actually. Direct experience is all I want. I want direct experience of myself, to experience myself moment to moment with compassion and love—it’s the parenting and friendship I never got, and I owe it to myself for as long as I live. Come to think of it, the world needs this too. It’s hard to resist the so-called belonging that comes with that mediation and labeling though, I want to belong in these ways too. The “I’ve been validated and verified” club. I’m starting to learn how to “settle” for belonging to the deeper intelligence and a select few humans, the ones who know what belonging actually means. And there’s not many it seems.
So grateful for you sharing this ❤️ I’ve avoided seeking a diagnosis because of my fear of exactly what you’ve experienced, how I know it would rock me as it has rocked you. The autism criteria, as I understand it, was modeled on assessments of white cis male children. And it also focuses much more on the medical professional’s observations of someone - what they see and can quantify from the outside - rather than the actual autistic person’s internal experience of themselves navigating the world.
And I also struggle with this same sense of whether or not I am fill-in-the-blank enough to name myself as a particular identity. The work you’re doing is so vital precisely for this reason. We are better able to know ourselves when we witness a reflection in someone else who lets us know we’re not alone.
I'm so sorry to hear that this has been your fear and experience too. You're definitely not alone. Thank you for being here & feeling along! ❤
Just here to say that your work is a treasure. I am grateful you chose to post about this because you sharing your experiences around this diagnosis is extremely helpful and informative for me personally. It helps me believe, Iike you wrote, that we can continue to find and invent more creative ways of understanding caring for ourselves and each other. 🖤
Thank you, dear! I'm grateful you're here. ❤️
An autistic friend just wrote me: "Please remember, a diagnosis is a clinician's medical opinion. Doesn't mean it's the final urteil [German for judgment] about it at all. Second and 3rd opinions are a thing enough autistic ppl seek-especially in trans, black bodies."
Another friend also sent me a beautifully affirming video how autism often shows up differently when there has been trauma and abuse, because there'll be more masking and learning to read emotions/empathy to the point of exhaustion in order to survive.
Community is so important and also finding our own language. Have a blessed day! 👐🏽
Thank you dear one. I so appreciate you and your words. I was a psychotherapist for 6 years and during that time developed an allergy to the DSM. I will use it strategically, when and if I have to navigate the systems that live by it. I have grown enraged at all of the mediations that have been shoved in my face actually. Direct experience is all I want. I want direct experience of myself, to experience myself moment to moment with compassion and love—it’s the parenting and friendship I never got, and I owe it to myself for as long as I live. Come to think of it, the world needs this too. It’s hard to resist the so-called belonging that comes with that mediation and labeling though, I want to belong in these ways too. The “I’ve been validated and verified” club. I’m starting to learn how to “settle” for belonging to the deeper intelligence and a select few humans, the ones who know what belonging actually means. And there’s not many it seems.